THE 10 WORST REASONS TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX
Continuing to be mates for the wrong reasons might be detrimental to all of you. Your ex-partner is your ex-partner for a reason. However, they were a big part of your life for some time, so, understandably, you’d want to maintain that friendship to some extent. After a breakup, many former couples, whether spouses or dating partners, attempt to remain friends, and some teams are successful in doing so.
According to a study, average exes are more likely to have low-quality friendships than their opposite-sex mates that have never been romantically involved. They have less social comfort, are less trustworthy, less supportive, and much less caring about other people’s happiness. It is particularly true of non-mutual breakups and with ex-partners with whom they were unhappy in their intimate relationship.
The likelihood that your relationship with your ex will end up being a positive experience rather than a traumatic nightmare is contingent on a portion of your motivations, which might or may not be publicly acknowledged.
The below are the ten worst excuses to keep in touch with your Ex:
1. You Sympathize with Your Ex:
If you broke up with your partners and they’re having a hard time handling it, the last thing you wish to do is bother them anymore by denying their friendship. While it was never your duty to care for them through their grief, the assistance you are providing them will make their situation worse. According to data, people want to see that help is available when they need it, but they don’t want to feel helpless. They may need consolation now, but the care you have will likely not help them move on, and they will be reliant on you indefinitely. Rather than take on the responsibility yourself, ensure that they get the help they need from others. If you have to apologize that you owe them something, make sure it’s sincere rather than forced.
2. You adore them:
Being in love with them and secretly hoping to see them again maybe a potent motivator for maintaining the relationship. It’s sad, though, that it’s still one of the riskiest. If they don’t enjoy working with you, there’s not anything you can do to change their minds. Putting in a lot of effort in vain leads to heartbreak and makes you feel bad for yourself. Spend time with your mates who make you feel valued and loved. Most certainly, this ex isn’t one of them.
3. You like keeping a close watch on your Ex:
And if the relationship ended in a breakup, it hurts to hear that your ex is happier with someone else. Being mates with them allows you to stay informed about your ex’s dating life and exert control over it. However, being their confidant would not help you both in the long run, particularly if you are conflicted about their need to move on. Being friends on Facebook gives you a look at your ex’s current life, for better or worse. Following them on Facebook will lead to feelings of envy and anxiety. If you can’t help yourself, unfriend your ex both offline and web.
4. You have the same social circle
According to the study, if your family and colleagues want you to be friends with your boyfriend, you’re more likely to do so. However, this does not imply that you do. Maintaining a relationship solely to preserve social stability seems to be a noble goal; but, if this is the only justification for maintaining the friendship, it can be troublesome. It is your right to spend time with your mutual friends without your ex present, as well as to decline invites to activities where your ex will be present. Though it’s OK to run into your ex now and then, it doesn’t mean you have to be friends. It might be challenging to think of ex-partners as yet another friend because you have a long history together, but those histories will fade away with time.
5. You’re depressed:
During a breakup, there is a sense that something is lacking in a person’s social life and that missing item needs time to fill. If you’re having a stormy Saturday night, calling them out for takeout or a movie sounds more appealing than going out and meeting new friends. However, it can result in a relationship that is on and off, with less affection, more uncertainty, lower happiness, and more contact issues, according to studies. It’s understandable to miss those romantic times, but putting yourself through the hassle of being with your ex again does not ensure that you’re deserving of the temporary warmth. When you’re down, turn to your family and friends for support and ideas about how to make the most of your alone time.
6. Wishing for them to improve in the future:
Your breakup may have been caused by your ex’s infidelity or their alcohol habits, but you’re hoping that they’ll learn from their faults and develop into the perfect wife you want. By staying mates, you are choosing to keep your ex in your life and may also be able to assist them in changing. In some circumstances, the prospect of reconciliation motivates people to improve. If your ex senses that getting you back isn’t going to be tough, they may focus more on showing that they’ve improved rather than making a genuine transition, setting you up for more disappointments.
7. Holding them on the back burner
The strategy to keep them alive if you can’t meet someone any more than your ex is a more sardonic version of what has already been saying. It is not only unjust to them, but it may also be a hindrance to you. There are moments where you have to lock one door for the other to unlock.
8. They would not relent in the face of adversity
It’s possible that being friends with your ex isn’t your cup of tea, but what if they insist and won’t let you go? As earlier stated, you have the right to decline a friendship. Make sure you’re honest about your thoughts about your ex. So, do not be afraid to call the police when things get out of hand. Though minimally stalking your ex’s Facebook page is harmless, actual stalking is both unacceptable and frightening. Surprisingly, it’s trendy. Stalking habits include jealousy, obsessiveness, rage, and the desire to exert influence. Keep an eye out for these characteristics.
9. You’ve fallen victim to the “grass is greener” syndrome.
According to research, if you’re unhappy in your new relationship, you’ll be more motivated to stay in touch with your spouse. It’s better to romanticize someone you’re not dating when you’re not always open to their irritating habits. This attitude, though, proves to be a trap, and if you keep comparing your case to others, you will never be happy no matter where you go. If you’re upset with your new relationship, instead of turning to your ex for solace or comfort, consider sharing your feelings with them. Adding your ex to your already-complicated friendship would almost certainly confuse matters even more.
10. They all adore you
When your ex-partner is in love with you, and it’s a one-sided love, it’s best to let go of them. You might love spending time with your ex–after all, who wouldn’t?– This, on the other hand, maybe perplexing and traumatic for them, mainly if it gives them false hope. Even if you clarify that this is the only relationship you desire, they will not understand. People see things the way they want to see them, and you can bet they’ll be on the outlook for any marks of resentment. The safest course of action is to avoid contact with your ex and allow them to move on.
What is the point of becoming friends?
Are there any compelling grounds to maintain your relationship with your ex? And, of course. If none of you has any hidden motivations similar to those mentioned above, and if becoming friends would not jeopardize your current relationship. If you’re happy spending time with your current girlfriend while still spending time with your ex, and vice versa, that’s a good litmus test. Ulterior motivations can be cunning, but the subconscious has some tricks up its sleeve for disguising them as benign goals. Just make sure you’re honest with yourself on your real intentions.